Splitting Sides Across Party Lines: Chapter 2 (cont) Ron Paul and The Bathroom Mortar

“Ron Paul, what do you think about the mistakes they made in saying you won the Iowa Caucus, and does this sour you from continuing your campaign?”

A microphone is pushed against the little man’s neck, as he is bludgeoned by reporters.

“What?!  That certainly isn’t a valid question, when I just won this thing, fair and without any help from the Super Pac’s,” he said, exasperated because he was trying to use the bathroom but the media  clumped up, blocking the way in and out.

“Please could you move? I drank a lot of water and…”

A loud abrasive voice ejects from a woman that looks like a Cuban Joan Rivers, and interrupts him.

“So why did you say you are quitting the race?”

“I never said that, now can you please,” he starts to say

“When will you give up and quit the race?”

“Why do you want to quit the race?”

“In your recent decision to quit the race have you thought about siding with candidates? Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney?”

And on a continuous frenzied loop they question him.

“I am not quitting…”

Ron Paul looks around; weary, pushing now, becoming more violent, his bladder builds up, and the reporters keep striking him with their microphones. They question him all at once, louder and louder, like braying mules.

All news affiliates fill the halls, Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, and NPR all gather outside of the men’s room, jumping over each other to scream at the little congressmen.

Suddenly there is a gaseous exchange of angry wind. It seems to hit off the bathroom walls like a mortar, followed by a stench that might remind a farmhand of a decaying calf’s leg caught in the teeth of a radiator.

The cloud of stench follows and oozes in between the cracks of the men’s room door and sends the media scattering. Ron Paul himself walks away quickly, conveniently forgetting the need to urinate.

“Hey Paul!” A familiar voice shouted.

That voice comes from Newt Gingrich. He waddles out of the bathroom fastening his belt. He has a satisfied look, and little beads of sweat curl around his hamster cheeks, the results of great strain. Ron Paul turns and gives him a disapproving stare.

“Man oh man! I have to start eating better! What just came out outta me was more negative than Romney’s add campaigns!”

And with that he guffaws and walks the opposite direction as Paul stares down the hall after him.

“This campaign is going to be nasty,” he thinks.

Then sniffs the air and adds…

“It already has…”


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